Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Why Hate Your Body?

By Valerie X Armstrong

They tell us not to compare ourselves with others...But I find that it sometimes helps us to put our situations in proper perspective. If you hate the way your body looks, consider for a moment, people who have chronic pain or who are blind or are battling a deadly disease or have been disfigured or crippled in accidents. Consider the people who have never been given the chance to live past childhood. There are so many, many people who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Don't dwell on society's idea of what you should look like. Be grateful for what your body can do. We are always our own worst critics, but everyone is beautiful in their own way. To me a person's beauty comes from within. In my opinion, if you are beautiful on the inside you are beautiful on the outside. 

I've always been fat except for a few times when I starved myself into thinness.  I never liked my body, until recently.  I tortured myself for years trying to change it permanently, to no avail.  My body, although it didn't live up to society's narrow standards, was and still is, a good body.  There wasn't and still isn't much I can't do.  I've enjoyed relatively good health, and have done most everything in life I've ever set out to do. Some people can mold and sculpt their bodies however they want, and if you are able to do that and you want to, then do it.  But if you are like so many of us that can't, all is not lost.

 It's a wonder I didn't kill myself with all the bizarre things I did to my body to try to fit in that elusive ideal that society has set for us.  Instead of loving my body and caring for it, I abused it. I was young and wanted to fit in with the crowd at all costs.  One thing I've learned from maturing, is that we should be glad to have a body...and especially one that works fairly well and doesn't hurt too much. 

 Life is short and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a good life...but you can do that without looking any particular way.   I do size activism...hoping to make things better now and in the future for fat people, some of whom, hate their bodies because society doesn't embrace fat people and makes life difficult for them. We shouldn't hate our bodies, we should hate society and try to change it.  Fat people are not the only group of people that has ever been oppressed.  But we have to fight the enemy ..not agree with them and acquiesce to their demands. We can change the paradigm if we work together.

 Everyone has a choice whether to love or hate their body...and if you want to be miserable all your life, thinking you don't measure up, that's up to you.  Some of us try to offer an alternative, that if you follow, you will most likely be a much happier person.  I can't make anyone do it, no one can, and if anyone resents my trying, please save yourself a lot of hassle and don't visit my Facebook page or others like it, unless you really DO want what we have to offer.

My sister was born with a severe disability and legal blindness.  Her bones were very brittle causing a deformity and she had to wear very thick glasses.  She didn't choose that.  That's the hand she got dealt...But she was never held back by it.  She was happy, cheerful, and glad to have the body she did have. 

 Once in a while she would tell me she wished she had good eyes like mine, or nice legs like mine...I used to think why would anyone want to have my big thighs...She did occasionally say she wished she could be more active like I was, but she did the best she could with what she had, and never whined about her predicament.

 Looking back, I realize how fortunate I was to have those big healthy thighs and strong bones and eyes that could see with out glasses.  We have no guarantees in life.  I've lost loved ones that were healthy, at very young ages, from accidents.  I have one person very close to me who was struck down by a debilitating disease that will never get better...He is young, handsome, talented and very brave.  One day he was healthy and the next in misery and barely able to move, and the doctors can do nothing. People like this would give anything to have their biggest problem be their looks. 

Life is temporary...We are all going to die...every one of us.  In a hundred years no will know or care if your  skin sagged or your thighs rubbed or what size you wore.  If a person, doesn't like you because of your looks, screw them.  They are not worth a moment of your time.  Get involved with something creative or something outside yourself and help others...Don't be so shallow and self centered as to close yourself in and lament over certain perceived body flaws or how you think you look in a short skirt.   There is a big world out there.  My sister used to say, "I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet". Carpe Diem.  Seize the day... Tomorrow could be your last one.. why spend it hating yourself?
I'm not trying to discredit  or minimize anyone's personal experience, and all of this is just my own  personal opinion.  Perhaps counseling might be in order if someone were to hate themselves to the point where it affected their enjoyment of life.