Being Fat and Hungry

By Valerie X Armstrong

To a casual observer, I most likely fit the stereotype of a person that  gives full rein to their appetite and totally lacks restraint in that regard.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

As much as I would like to indulge myself, I cannot ,or you would, no doubt, find me on a flat bed trailer on my way to the Jerry Springer show.

My body is the thriftiest when it comes to counting every calorie.  It keeps saving up for the day when famine might strike, and it wants me to be ready.

Some of the people that write about eating anything you want and your body weight leveling itself out, don’t know my body. 

 If I didn’t monitor my food intake and keep my body moving , there is no telling how fat I would become. 

 My body lacks the satiety sensor…I do not know what it feels like to have enough to eat or be full…I have no “off switch” where my hunger is concerned.  It amazes me when people can leave a half  plate of food  and say they’ve had enough…That is a totally foreign concept for me.

I don’t eat junk food. I eat moderate portions. I eat as close to naturally as possible. I eat low carb and low glycemic foods, to keep my blood sugar low and level…I eat plenty of veggies, fruits, nuts and lean meats.  I exercise daily.  I am not a compulsive eater or binge eater…

My hunger is true physical hunger, not emotional.  I just lack the apparatus  that most people have that tells them they’ve had enough…The regulator thingy. 

 I’ve told this to many doctors and they just stare blankly at me. I  HAVE  to count calories, and make a concerted effort to space my meals, or I would want to eat all day. 

 I’m not a mental case and I don’t have Prader-Willi syndrome, that causes insatiable appetites in some of it’s victims, to where they will go to great lengths to satisfy their cravings.  My thyroid tests all come back within normal range…I have plenty of energy.

 I have a happy fulfilled life and am not trying to make up for anything that’s lacking in my life by eating excess food.  I’m not in any sort of denial .  I am a “normal” person  in every respect, except that I’m  missing  the hunger shut-off valve.

I’ve spent most of my life searching for answers to this dilemma…No one knows why I’m like this.  I never see this issue discussed anywhere. I can’t be the only one. 

 It’s bad enough being stigmatized for being fat, but it’s even worse to be hungry the whole time you are being picked on.

I can and do control my urges to eat, and it’s a struggle for me to maintain even the high weight that I do.  I would love to give myself free rein to eat all the things that are so delicious and tempting, but sadly , if I want to remain mobile, I’d better not.

I probably eat less and get more exercise  than most of the thin people who make hasty assumptions about what I eat and my level of activity…Explaining to them is useless, they don’t think I’m being truthful.

I’m glad I’m able to maintain this weight, for the most part, but actually, the older I get, even a little more slowly creeps on.  I thought I’d have some magic thing happen to me when I got this old and I’d turn into the mythical “little old lady”…Not so far anyway, I’m still a “big old lady”.  I’m happy that I’m healthy and strong ,despite my size…I’d hate to lose weight from illness like many people do.

 I’m meant to be a big gal.. I’m genetically programmed to be mountainous, however, and I have to watch each bite just to be able to remain at a functional weight…I don’t want to spend my life in bed being waited on by others if I can help it.

 

But, please, make no assumptions that I am scarfing boxes of bon bons while sitting on my tuffet all day…Nope…not me….I’ve gone to bed hungry every night of my life.